Story of the Week

Sep 23, 2011

Third Place this week goes to this story out of New York: Groom Nicholas Hoag Dies In Alleged Drunken Driving Crash In Four-Wheeler On Wedding Night. I know that sounds more like a Florida headline but New Yorkers manage to kill themselves in stupid ways, too. Nicholas and his brother were out riding their ATV a few hours after Nicholas had gotten married. The brother was driving and lost control slamming into a tree. Nicholas was killed. Believe it or not, alcohol was involved. I’m sure I’m cruel and mean to say it, but maybe if Nicholas had been with his NEW WIFE, this would not have happened.

Never fear, though. Florida is still representing this week with this Second Place winning headline: Florida Man Dies While Guiding Wife Into Parking Spot. 91 year old, Fedico, was trying to help his 58 year old wife, Alba, into a parking space. My guess is she was having trouble parking that block long Buick in those tiny Wal Mart parking spaces. Fedico got out to guide her in. Alba mistook the gas pedal for the brake and the story had a tragic ending. I doubt that are many 91 year old guys, though, that can say that they were accidentally killed by their wife who was 33 years younger.

This week’s winner is this story out of St. Louis: Child Brings Mom’s Crack Pipe For Show-And-Tell. The kindergarten student thought it would be great to show the class what his mom did for recreation. During Show and Tell, he brought out her crack pipe and some meth. He also had brought several plastic bags of his mom’s crack cocaine. Needless to say, the police got involved and the doper mom was arrested. Stories like this are why some people should not be allowed to reproduce. I have to have a license to drive a car. Restaurant Servers have to have a permit to bring me a beer. I can’t add on to my house without a permit, but anyone can have a kid and raise them in a horrible environment. Hopefully, the child will be placed with a family that can give him a chance for having a normal life.

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