Story of the Week

Nov 25, 2011

Florida. Mobile Home Park. You know this is going to be a good story. Third Place this week goes to this headline: Man Charged with Attempted Murder in Forklift Attack. John was trying to evict the tenants from the trailer that he owns and had rented out. The tenants did not want to leave so John showed up with a forklift. He rammed it into the mobile home a few times. The woman came outside to beg John to stop but he chased her around the yard in his forklift. John is in jail and the tenants are still in the damaged trailer.

Second Place this week goes to a sad headline: Legendary UGA Broadcaster Larry Munson Dies at Age 89. Munson was the voice of Georgia football until just a couple of years ago. He was unabashadly a fan of the Bulldogs and always spoke in the first person about them. Here is a snippet of a transcript of Munson calling the Georgia vs. Tennessee game in 1980. This was Hershel Walker’s first game as a Bulldog:

“Tennessee leading 15-2, the crowd roaring against Georgia trying to make them drop it so they can’t hear. We hand it off to Herschel, there’s a hole, 5, 10, 12, he’s running over people! Oh, you Herschel Walker! My God almighty, he ran right through two men, Herschel ran right over two men, they had him dead away inside the 9. Herschel Walker went 16 yards, he drove right over those orange shirts, just driving and running with those big thighs. My God, a freshman!” 

This week’s winning story is: Possible Victims Come Forward in Bad Butt Injections Case. Ladies, have you ever wanted to have your bottom enhanced? Cosmetic procedures are pretty expensive aren’t they? Well, there is a cheaper way. The transgendered person to the left, Oneal Ron Harris, can take care of you. He discovered that injecting fix-a-flat into your bottom makes it bigger. Look what it did for him! After the procedure, he just seals the incision up with super glue. He performed this procedure in Florida of all places, on several women who felt that their butts weren’t big enough. If you are interested in Oneal’s services, though, you will have to wait until he gets out of jail for Practicing Medicine without a License.

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